Ann's Story.

December x Love

2011-11-30T06:44:00.000-08:00

Its stepping into December tomorrow. December has always been a romantic month to me. I don't know why, maybe its because of christmas. And usually when you talk about christmas, it means winter, candies, gifts, and family. Although we do not have White christmas here in malaysia but I still have that very pure christmas feeling that i had since i was little. When stepping into december, it also means the year is ending soon. Each and everyone of us is as well growing up. The year has came fast. I still remember how god guide me throughout the year, the tears and the laughter i had. The sadness and the happiness. The memories has always been in my mind. There is slightly stir of emotion lately, maybe its because the year is ending soon and christmas is here that reminds me a lot of last year. I then realize i still have that every same christmas wish as last year's christmas and this year's birthday. It is the restoration from god. It means more than all christmas gifts to be honest. But yet, this year's christmas, i wanted to do something different. No matter my past christmas was good or bad, 1 thing that has never change is i have been blessed. So this year, instead of receiving all blessing, i wanted to give out blessings. To the people on the street, the people around. Whoever that god leads me to. Hopefully this christmas LOVE project will truly come true. I think it will be my happiest christmas to bless people with LOVE. :) I know god is faithful. He LOVES me so much and has taught me how to love. Though its hard to love selflessly sometimes but i always have this in my mind. Love never ends, keep loving. So no matter how people let me down i would keep reminding. Yet sometimes i do feel like i talked too much, when the people i care don't really care. Yea, very saddening sometimes but thats where i learn. I just wish everyone out there have a blessed christmas this year, hopefully you guys would send out some of your love too. Let others know you love and care cause not everyone is as lucky as us to have a wonderful christmas.

LOVE . FAITH . PEACE .

Loves,

Ann L.

Be a Prayer Warrior today.

2011-10-06T01:50:00.000-07:00

Pray for the body of christ, the temple of god, your home base, the CHURCH. Lately, I've heard lots of rumors about churches having spiritual warfare. Not just churches in malaysia but as well churches all around the world such as OC. I just have this strong feeling today. To urge each and everyone. Whoever, PLEASE, Pray for the..... Body of christ, the temple of god, your home base, the CHURCH. John 10:10 says The Thief comes only to steal, to kill and to destroy, but god is here to give us abundant life. Devil is here to destroy the churches and the people of god. He is happy when he sees churches falls apart.

So please, Never let the evil win against you. Start praying for yourself and for your church. Stand strong and be strong in the word of god. Do not fear people but fear the lord. Stand together not for anyone but for the house of god.

Keep our mind and soul focus on Jesus. So doesn't matter how the devil attempt to destroy us, as long as we're walking in God's will, no one can destroy you and I.

Be a Prayer Warrior today.

Love. Faith. Joy.

Ann L.

My life is 360 degree changed.

2011-09-25T00:46:00.000-07:00

As I've promised God that i will blog about the great work that he has done to me. So basically this blog is about my life testimony. It sounds like as if i'm 80 years old.. but this will be the blog that i want to show God how grateful I'm to him.. How he has held me up when i was weak and how he fill me with his constant love. I always remember how people share their testimony and would say when they were 17, God changed their lives. Now, allow me to say this proudly.... heeeee..

When I am 17, God changed my life 360 degree.

**Please finish the whole blog :) **

For the past year, I've Experienced a massive relationship break down. I could actually prevent it but i didn't. Before all these happen, Holy spirit did reminded me a few time but i ignored instead. This person was someone i talk to every single day. Someone I could rely on. Someone that knew everything about me. Someone i trusted the most and this person turned out to be my closest friend. He left without an explanation which have hurt me the most. All kinds of questions were stuck in my head. I don't even get a chance to find out or talk to him because he refuse to give me a chance. I felt so hurtful, that i kept on contacting him and wished he would just at least tell me what happened but it still didn't happen. Slowly then, I can see that he has replaced me as well. My heart was crushed, COMPLETELY. Ever since this friend left me, I never stop crying. Each and every night I cried myself to sleep. I would think of the past and all the promises that we've made. I will wonder why did he gave up so easily when he taught me not to. Why did he promise me that he will never give up this friendship no matter how though it is. Why? All kind of question came into my mind. Soon enough, I encountered depression. Early in the morning when i went to school, I acted normally and when i get home, i will hide myself in the room.. and started crying again. It became a routine everyday. I refused to join the crowd and my tears would fall when i thought of him. I've never felt happy for a single day. This last for a year. Yea, I cried everyday for ONE WHOLE YEAR. I never did understand. It was so painful inside. The worst thing was, I'm still holding on and still mean what we've promised each other. Not to give up in this friendship.

It was so though. That my depression got worst. I started thinking of committing suicide because it was so painful that i no longer can handle it anymore. I did not know my purpose in life. I would imagine myself committing suicide and just thought maybe he will drop a single drop of tear for me. I was tempted to close my eyes when i was driving. I would look at my wrist and finally understand why people choose to die when they face problems. Its not because dying can solve all problems but because they won't feel the pain anymore after they die but i thank god he kept reminding me my border line. Thats why i said i was supposed to be dead but god pull me out. At the same time, I got really annoying. I would reject my friends and treat them meanly. I refused to let anyone enter my world again. I rejected everyone and everything that relates to him. I didn't wanna go to the place that i used to see him. I just hide myself at home everyday. So basically for one whole year i lived in my own world.

On my family part, i would treat my brother badly and I became rebellious. I even had a huge argument with my mom and thought why was the whole world forsaking me.

All i wished and prayed was he would at least still care for this friendship. I became so ignorant and started posting emo status on my fb and just wished he would care.I dropped him messages in msn, whatsapp, Facebook, everywhere but not once he reply. Instead he deleted me from all social network which cuts me through my heart.You must be asking, didn't i pray? I did but every time when i tell god i will hand in to him, i will always ended doing my own way again. I did not surrender completely and so the pain would come in again few days later.

Until i heard that he was about to leave Malaysia in 1 or 2 weeks time. I was tore apart. I keep asking god, Why didn't god restore the friendship that god promised to restore. I said i didn't blame god but i'm actually complaining so much and kept asking god why why why and why..

After struggling for a year, finally i've no more strength.. I can no longer do it. 1 or 2 weeks b4 he leaves, I kneel on my knees.. I broke down in tears in front of god i started praying consistently and finally i humbled myself completely and learn to rely on god. For 1 whole weeks i prayed in tears and i told him i can't do it anymore. I need his strength to stand up again, I need his light to guide me out from the world i stuck myself in. I need him to hold me tight in his hands. For the whole week, God speak to me everyday. He told me, what Jesus has experienced was thousand times worst than me. Jesus did not get depressed when he was rejected by the people he love, instead he forgave them and continue to love them UNCONDITIONALLY. He told me, Jesus has been through what i experienced. and most importantly Jesus understands. Jesus understands everything i was going through. He knows how painful my heart was. He knows. The lord then taught me to have faith in him, believe in joy because Jesus is the answer for all situation.

God told me that he is moulding me through all these and now i finally understand. That week, his Love, Peace and Joy over whelmed my heart. I had more than enough. At the same time, he held me up once again, telling me that everything will be just fine because he is there for me. He lead me out from the scary world i stuck myself in. He gave me courage to forgive my friend. He taught me the true meaning of love. If i truly love this friend of mine, no matter what happen i will still continue loving. That is the love of Christ. Loving unconditionally. No matter what we do, Jesus still love us. I am so grateful for all that god has done for me. I realized when i surrender completely unto him and let him have all control in my life, miracles will happen.

Ever since then, I live each day with Peace and joy. I look forward to each and everyday. Where god brings me surprises in life. God has not restore my friendship but instead he has restore my broken heart which is even more important. I realize then i no long feel painful neither hurtful. Even another friend of mine just told me that he is actually still in KL, i do not feel hurtful at all. Instead i would smile and know that god has all in control. It took me a year to try to stand up but it only took god a week to heal me completely from the inside out. Its all about whether we are willing to let him do it or not. If its not this, i think i will still be a miserable kid, wandering around not knowing the purpose in life. Although it has been a tough year. But I'm grateful that through this i experience the great love of god in my life and knowing that he has a greater plan for me ahead. If its not god, I will still continue be that arrogant kid that was never willing to humble myself. But now, instead of that, I showed the love of Christ to the people around me. I'm willing to humble myself. After all these that happened, god reminded me about one of my prayer i did b4 the break down. Which turns out to be a very scary prayer i did. I told god to mould me to be the way he wants me to be. Its pretty amazing how god has crushed me completely to make me humble in front of him. If its not him, i will never experience such a great love. As well, through this, i see the needs of the people. The people that is facing what I've once experienced and they are not as lucky as me to know God. I just want to lend them a hand and share with them the love of Christ. Cause i know how hard it is to not have anyone to help but I'm lucky enough to have lord Jesus. Another amazing thing is god eventually just sent his servant BrianKim a korean artist to encourage me in life right after god has healed me. God is so faithful.

Although my friendship is not restore but i know God knows better than me. He knows what is the best for me. Soon enough, someday, he will restore it when he knows its the right timing. The songs playing right now, is one of the few songs that keeps me moving.

I hope you're blessed after reading this super long blog. Remember, you are not alone, cause Jesus is there for you. Continue to worship and give thanks even in our hardest times. As well, today is my 31days of LoveLife #Day5. =) Its been a crazy journey for the past 4days. haha. God is faithful. Just believe. ;)

How many times you thought God did not hear you, but God was actually protecting you.

-JaesonMa

Love. Faith. Joy.

Ann L.

31Days of Love Life. #Day1.

2011-09-21T09:32:00.000-07:00

21/9/2010 - Rainy.

It is my very first day of 31days of Love Life. I got this motivation and inspiration from JaesonMa. Apparently this 31days of Love Life is about showing and spreading your LOVE to the people around you. I've been really into JaesonMa, BrianKim, Brian Joo 's work lately. So as i know more about Jaeson Ma's 365days of Love, i find it really meaningful. So i decided to challenge myself to work on a 31days of LoveLife as a practice in daily life. As i've been through a lot in my past year, i experienced the great love of GOD. So i just wanted to show some love to the people around and at least let them know they are loved. I posted this because its my 1st day. But will probably just update on the weekends. =)

Anyway, Its the first day of my love life and i can tell this is NOT easy at all.

Ever since i woke up this morning, i've been reminding myself to show love. Which turns out to be a good thing. lol. I realized this is when I started reminding myself to be nice to EVERYONE. Seriously, EVERYONE including the person that annoys you. lol. Its not easy but definitely challenging and I'm actually enjoying it. So this morning I was given an opportunity to show love to my friend(Siao). Found out that she didn't bring any food to school, so i offered her half of my bread. I'm glad i did that. It might be tiny little stuff but its a good start. Later then i started thinking what am i suppose to do in order to show <3? So god told me, to love some one, you must first love yourself. I started wondering what that really means and out of a sudden something came into my mind. My ROOM! Fyi, i'm super lazy to clear my room, cause it was stuff with so many book. Plus, i just had my exam. I will usually skip that part. But i actually clear all the books on my table, shelf, and sofas in my room. God is right, its the first day of my love life. So before i even show anyone Love, I must first love myself. I cleared up everything in an hour with brian's music playing. heee. and yea, I feel good. =)

I know this is going to be a good start for me. I have been through ups and downs, if its not god's great love. I know i never manage to get up again. So let us just spread the love out. To the people we know or we don't. Start loving, start caring.

Peace Out !

70V3. FAITH. JOY.

Ann L.

This Summer, Lives was Changed, for his name.

2011-09-15T01:55:00.000-07:00

God is just so awesome and faithful. What more can i say to start off my blog?

It is my honor to meet Yun-hwa, SeHee, NaeRi, A-Ram, Hye Ri and of course Brian. I remember that night, tears was shed, praises were lifted, vision is shown, all for his name. Although it was not a thousand people congregation but the anointing and presence of god was more than enough. God is great, he knows the best for each and everyone of us. He knows each and every of our need. What more can we give in return of his great love?

Was really blessed that night, not just about enjoying the worship but as well am able to buy brian's korean album where he only brought 2 during this trip. Most IMPORTANTLY, it was still that very precious moment that i received the prayer of anointing from this great servant of god. It was special because i didn't know where i get that courage to ask for sucha favor, only feeling awkward when i get home. BUT I CAN TELL, IT WAS ALL WORTHY. When those anointed hands fall on me, I know i did the right thing. God is just too amazing.

Ever since that night, I have a clearer vision to where i'm supposed to go. I have always wanted this dream, but that night onwards, my enthusiasm in it, i would say overwhelm. Beyond my thoughts and what i desire. This is when i realized ever since the day i promised God i'll no longer cry over the past, I have learned to live for God but not myself anymore. I was and am not afraid to die, but now, i know I can't die because i have to finish the mission god has plan for me.

From my past, I've learned not to rely on myself neither on others. Instead i've learned to rely on the Jesus that has lifted me when i fall.

Trust me, nothing is better than dwelling in his presence and love each day. Even if the world is in our hand, life is nothing without knowing the true purpose of why we're made.

I would say if i never fall so badly during the past year, I will never grow up and recognize how important the lord is to me. Which I know clearly, without god, my life is nothing. Like a blank paper, EMPTY.

The generation needs us, as well as our 7.0.V.3 .

Be blessed.

Faith. Joy. Love.

Ann L.

Ann Lee R.I.P.

2011-09-10T03:27:00.000-07:00

It has been a year i struggled in pain. Tears was so fragile that it drops so easily. I intend to cry more than i eat. But FINALLY EVERYTHING HAS COME TO AN END. I'm grateful, that i has finally walk out from the box i trapped myself in. That world thats so dark and scary.

Each and everyday I live by god's grace. I died once, but god hold me back. He holds me so tight that i can feel his heartbeat. I thank god although he did not restore the friendship i wanted him to, instead he restored my broken heart. The heart that was dying inside. That heart that wants to die instead of surviving. But its now restored through prayers. I always believe god has his great plans. And like what i tweeted, Restoration don't come straight away, it requires tears and prayers from us in order for God to do his great work. Through all the situation god mould me the way he want me to be. And when we start to live in his way and his grace, His joy will fills our hear. The reason why i started laughing to myself lately.

I started to see new things in life. Lord sent great people into my life. Just like Brian (Brian Kim).

That connection that we had the first time we met in a non christian concert. That connection trapped me. It was god's presence. I can see how much great work god did through his life. To influence people and to bring the lost souls back to god. I'm really grateful i met him and was able to get a chance that not everyone has, it is to talk to him and had some deep conversation. Not because he is a korean artist but it was because that connection btw us. Just like what Brian said, We'll meet again. I do believe that. God is faithful, he knows my needs. He put the right person into my life. People leave because of our imperfections but god draws us close to give us perfection.

Brian has given me big impact. Because of him I dare to dream Big for god. I can't wait to see him tomorrow. Am really looking forward.

The Ann Lee your are looking for has died. Ann is no longer Ann.

She is now someone that will never give up in faith. Because each day she lives is grace of god. I should have died long ago. But god drew me close. With that I give thanks.

Ann.

Happy Birthday.

2011-07-25T03:22:00.000-07:00

Happy Birthday Rainbow.

You are finally 18 bow. You are old already.

and also means you're getting nearer and nearer to your dream.

Work hard towards your dream.

I know you will be leaving to Russia in September.

I might not get a chance to even say goodbye.

But I want you to know. Doesn't matter where you are, when and why.

I will always be there when you need me.

I know you will be a blessing towards the others no matter where you are.

I'm sorry I can't give you home made cookies this year.

But I will always keep you in my prayers.

This might be the last time i could say Happy Birthday to you.

So allow me to say it again. Happy Birthday, Best Friend.

Love you.

Driz ♥

I know WHY.

2011-07-24T05:05:00.000-07:00

These days I have been asking myself why? Why didn't I reap what I sow like what the bible says. Why.. I couldn't get a single answer. Until just now, I look at the task I've finally finished. Joy over whelmed me. I know why, cause sowing is not just about reaping. Its about being a blessing to others or even causing a smile on someone's face. Thats the purpose of sowing on others. When i was looking at the task. I smiled, because i know someone might be blessed by what i've sow or maybe even a smile on their face to make their day. From just now onward, reaping ain't important anymore. Whats important is I know someone feel blessed. I know, this is when joy comes in. I know, when I put the purpose of sowing first and reaping comes second.. God will bless me more than i could imagine. I believe in the power of resurrection. I believe in the force, like what they say in starwars. lol.

Love . Faith . Peace . Joy .

Ann.

Breakeven.

2011-07-12T05:48:00.000-07:00

That night, I was broken down. A stage where I broke down into tears and was trembling inside. A stage where I couldn't resist the pain that's inside my heart. A stage where bow once experienced too. When he was being called rebellious. Yet, words that can't be spoken out and not sure who to tell. All I knew was I needed someone. Someone whom i trust. Someone that will still be there without asking why. Someone that still care and will give me support when I needed it the most.

After a night of tears, no one really show up but again I'm glad I still have him, God. When I do not know what I'm supposed to do. I called out for him and the only thing that god keeps reminding me is to guide my thoughts even in the depths of my despair. To look unto him all the time and to live how Jesus has live. Have I grown mature? No to them but a Yes to myself. At least I know, whenever I'm alone standing at the corner God is still there. He will hold my hands and tell me "I'm here, Its okay". He will wipe of my tears, give me a hug and gives me strength to move on once again. I know he will be there. I know, he will never forsake me in my weaknesses. I know, he wants me to know, I'm not alone.

7.0.V.3

2011-06-27T04:27:00.000-07:00

When is the last time you tell someone you love em?

Its funny how you listen to others saying " I Love You" while not even knowing the true meaning of it.

Is love that simple? That irresponsible?

I've learnt something these past 6 months.

Love is the only medicine to heal all gash and wounds. Love is the only way that we can stop ourselves from hating someone. Love is the only thing that can make you put others before yourself.

I'm grateful that i've learnt this from Jesus's life. Jesus said he loves us. He didn't love us with only his words but by his action. He was and is willing to take up every responsibilities in our lives. He even gave us his life because of the word LOVE. The rejection and criticizes that Jesus experienced might be a thousand or a million times more than what we experienced right now but no, he didn't give up. He carried the cross, he was caned, he shed his blood and tears, he put us before himself and he died for us because of LOVE. 3 days later, he rose from dead. Yet, he didn't leave us alone on earth but he has given us the holy spirit to help us in every need because of LOVE.

Life is like a roller coaster. Up and down, left and right. Rejection from the people we love. Not just once but again and again. Family, best friends, boy/girlfriends. This is when we ask ourselves, do we Love them? Does that mean the end of our love towards them?

My choice. I've chosen to look unto Jesus's life. Its not easy to love someone. To tolerance and to love them unconditionally but this is what love is all about. Love is about willing to carry the cross for your love ones. Love is about willing to shed your blood and tears for them. Love is about putting them before yourself. I've chosen Love, as I believe its a super natural power that Jesus has given to us. Its though but again that is what Love is all about.

What is your choice today? Give in to the situation? Or continue to reject the person that loves you.

Doesn't matter what your choice is, always remember it is god's grace that all of us can come together. Well, I take it more of a gift from God.

No matter what is holding you right now. Never give up, never say die.

Remember there is always a rainbow after the drizzle.

There is no LOVE without FORGIVENESS,

and there is no FORGIVENESS without LOVE.

Love.Faith.Peace.

God bless.

By Ann.Driz.

7.0.V.3

2011-06-01T09:41:00.000-07:00

There is no LOVE without FORGIVENESS,

and there is no FORGIVENESS without LOVE.

From : drizzle .

Are you the Zebra?

2009-07-24T07:09:00.000-07:00

Walking across the Zebra crossing every morning.

While I'm on these white lines,

I have this power to stop all the cars.

Every moment when i step on it,

It makes me think of you.

I want you to be the Zebra Crossing of mine,

The one who gives me power to stop the world.

I miss everything of you.

Your pulse. Your temperature. Your smile.

A realisation. A word. A thought.

Ann.

Picture.

2009-04-30T07:07:00.000-07:00

Hey guys, I guess this answer could satisfy all of you.
Erm, everyone was asking me about the picture i put in msn display picture. I didnt asked anyone to help me with that picture actually. No photographer, no Pro Camera.

Just simply my lousy handphone's camera. I set my camera as self-timer and i just sat there and snap. ;D lol. Okay, first of all, you have to look for a beautiful place. Like the one i had in my picture. lol. Green grass all over the place. You dont need any expensive camera, SLR or whatever. Sometimes ordinary camera makes perfect shoots. (:

Next, look for a correct angle. This is the most important part. If you dont have a nice angle, then you will probably need a nice camera. HAHA.

Then later, put your camera on the ground. Seriously, you dont actually need to focus on your big face and smile everytime. You can learn how to play with the angle. I usually put my camera on the place thats lower than me. So You could focus on the whole background and all. It will brings you this effect and lastly you dont need to be beautiful or gorgeous just be confidants.
Or else you will never take beautiful pictures. For more informations, look for a Professional. I'm not one. I did it by self-learning.

See Words from the eye.

2009-04-06T04:10:00.000-07:00

(Picture Sketched by James, Copyrighted)

Look in the eye. Never thought of this picture mean so much.
Sometime i dint even realize it. But until last night, I realized everything.
I decided to talk to James yesterday. James told me lots of things.
Things that i never thought of. Scarifies, and braveness in him, the things he had done for everyone. Something that hurts him deeply inside. Reason that made him play rugby there. Training himself to get rid of the pain. To accept every facts. He told me the reasons why he sketched every morning when he's in Malaysia 2yrs ago and I told him mine too. So he told me every of his experience. The kind of feeling was like peeling off the skin of his little by little. I know it hurts alot. But he's still telling me everything because he wants me to be to be strong. He wants me to stand up. He don't want to see me doing the wrong mistake like he does. It was 12 something in Malaysia and 4 morning in NZ. We both almost screamed out in our heart. The water flows gently out from the well. Through the white smooth walls of 2 sides and to the surface of the earth. Sometime that's not even what you can control. The impulse that send to your brain asked you to stop everything down. But the heart and the emotions inside is moving forward and they does not care if it hurts. The steps are getting deeper, i can see everything clearer. Tried to decide our future, but the right was not with you. Tried to choose but without choices. Everyone of us is growing day by day. Physically and in mentally. Getting more mature, never make a decision just for our own. Everything is about our family and our future family. Our own dreams? Are all behind. Our love once? Are not yours anymore. My brain is thinking every single seconds. My heart is always there every moment. Even I'm not my wishes will always be there. I cant say I don't care from now on. I cant say whatever from now on. Everything i did and said is a responsibility. Not only myself. But to everyone else. I just hope father lord will lead both of us. He has his will in us. I just want to follow his foot step. One by one. Never thought of any of these last time until yesterday. Everything happens in the EYE.
I realize if you use your heart to see something. Things will just beyond your expectations.
Like the EYE above. James had put it as a Display picture ages ago. But until yesterday, i realized the real meaning of it. I looked at the eye and that thing speaks me me.
Is a form of words. EYE = I , the heart inside=HEART and the YOU in the eye. It could be a ordinary eye. It could also be meaningful to someone else. Just depends the way you look at it, with your heart or not. I was looking for the I word actually. But this early morning. I woke up and the word eye(I) just pop out in my mind. The word EYE(I) represents some one's heart some one's stand point and everything you tried to express is in the EYE(I). Especially him and her and her to him. Maybe no one knows what i was trying to talk about. But with heart you can feel every feelings i had here. Maybe one day no matter where i m. Once you hear my name you will just say "Hey, that my good friend". Thats all.

Things i saw yesterday. I'm sharing.
EYE (I) = The him or her or YOU.

The heart in the EYE(I) = The heart in the I. (You get me?)
~ The_HEART="LOVE"_in_the_EYE=I="The him or the her or you".
~ The love inside the him, her, or you.

The U inside the heart = You're inside his or her heart.

(*This blog was the best of all, it speaks to mind and was save with all of my feelings in there. *)

Loves.ann